With them, I can see that He’s all that AND a bag of chips! (Y’all know I love food.. lol). He’s enabled me to understand that He despises my act(ions) that go against His word, not me. He’s taught me that the measure of forgiveness I receive is in direct correlation to the measure I mete out. He’s enlightened me with the knowledge that forgiveness is a gift I give myself.

But most of all… He’s always embodied love… even unto death. So when He says the character of love, His character, is quick to forgive, doesn’t hold a grudge, is not puffed up, hopes all things, bears all things, and never ends… He means it and with His help… so now… can I.

This year for Father’s Day, it was my intent to “reframe” the memory/experience by compiling a list of the positive things I inherited, learned or appreciated… dare I even say loved about my Dad. Didn’t quite get to that list as yet, but I believe that this piece is a great precursor.

Hope it is a help to someone out there who’s been where I’ve been.

Peace,
~D

Dear Dad,

Today has been a long time coming
I had to work my way back to loving
back to the me I was becoming
before i woke to the rhythm
of your unsanctioned touch

I was…
free to love unabashedly
trust was second nature to me

I believed…
the world was my oyster
as long as you were in my corner

I lost…
that day… both you and me
your touch reshaped my reality

I became…
no more than a statistic
a dropout with dreams unrealistic

I finally…
reconciled with Dee
my Heavenly Father rescued me

I hope…
you repented before you died
even whilst my soul still cried

I forgive…
you for hurting me
for deserting me

I love you DAD

Travel with us as we find out something new about Allison at each stop:

Stop #1 - Monday, June 9, 2008 - Book Zone 

Stop #2 - Tuesday, June 10, 2008 - Shoutlife & Read Zone Book Reviews & Announcements

Stop #3 - Wednesday, June 11, 2008 - Dee411: Cast Down, But Not Destroyed!

Stop #4 - Thursday, June 12, 2008 - Gather

Stop #5 - Friday, June 13, 2008 - Myspace & More Myspace

Stop #6 - Saturday, June 14, 2008 - Divine Perspective

SANITY MAKES A COMEBACK!
“Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing for Struggling Parents”  and the SANITY Support Group Network are powerful resources to help parents and grandparents who have challenging adult children gain SANITY in a world spinning out of control. Tell a friend in need…help change a life. Visit www.SanitySupport.com.

The Man On His Way

Emotional
mind all over the map
angry,
affected, rejected, dejected
I almost elected
to withdraw from the fray,
caught up in patterns of yesterday
totally unrelated
nevertheless projected
negativity had its hold
your character tried
and unprotected

Rational
mind fought the good fight
God’s word to me
brought my flaws to light
no assassination
allowed on His watch
He said to me
With a gentle touch

All in all
I’m proud of me
Hanging like Zaccheus
up in the tree
Scared I might fall
but willing to hold on
Cause I want an audience
with the man on his way
who really has so much to say
that I want to hear
come what may

The above represents the audio and written versions of my entry into the MYSPACE NEXT TOP POET (MNTP) COMPETITION hosted by Yasmin Coleman of APOOO Books. I chose this poem because a friend whose opinion I value highly, thought it was the bee’s knees. It’s usually hard for me to judge because I don’t consider myself to be a poet(ess) just a writer/author who loves words and the challenge of seeing how many I can make rhyme in a row and still make sense… lol.

Every once in a while, if I feel strongly enough, or the Holy Spirit inspires me… I come up with a true gem. The above was engendered by an online relationship. (What… surprised? Come on… I am the author of Age is Just a Number: Adventures in Online Dating … lol)

The party did a disappearing act and I began to doubt my judgment and his character. The above was my attempt to explain to him, how his unexplained silence was judged… by me, initially.

He thought I was slamming him and felt hurt… go figure… I thought I had worked that out by the time the third stanza came around… but maybe not?

Anyway… I hope you enjoy and I’d love to hear your comments and/or feelings about the piece. And if, and only if, you deem it worthy. I’d appreciate your show of support by voting for it/me on May 4th - May 10th.

Peace,
~D

Join the Blog Tour at my “Age is Just a Number” Blog (http://aijan.atwc1.com) on Thursday, February 14, 2008.  Get the scoop on what to do and what not to do.  Make that Valentine date the precursor to the automatic 2nd Date!

“98 of 100 guys called me back for a 2nd date.
I can show you how to get the same results!”

She lived it! Now Victorya Rogers is available
to reveal her secrets to you.

Dating Expert Victorya Michaels Rogers is the author of The Automatic 2nd Date—everything to do and say on a first date to guarantee a 2nd.

From no dates to being pursued by an Academy Award winner, rock star, gospel singer, doctor, policeman, athlete and more, this former Hollywood agent went on more than 100 first dates with 98% of them asking her out for a second! She has dating down to a science and enjoys teaching that science to her audience. During her single years, Rogers spent over a decade as a Hollywood agent. She also taught 3 years at UCLA.

With a bachelor’s from Cal. State University at Long Beach and a master’s degree from Fuller Theological Seminary, this motivational speaker/dating coach has been happily married for 10 years to Will, one of her automatic 2nd dates and definitely her man worth keeping. They have two precious children live in a suburb of Dallas.

To read more about Victorya’s newest book,
The Automatic 2nd Date,
please visit www.mantokeep.com

They stole his mind, now he wants it back.

What is reality when you can’t trust your memory? An Earthbound construction worker keeps having dreams about Mars. A trip to a false memory transplant service for an imaginary trip to Mars goes terribly wrong and another personality surfaces. When his old self returns, he finds groups of his friends and several strangers seem to have orders to kill him. He finds records his other self left him that tell him to get to Mars to join up with the underground. The reality of the situation is constantly in question. Who is he? Which personality is correct? Which version of reality is true?

Total Recall 2008, The Youth Rally:

They stole our voice, now we’re takin’ it back!

What is reality when you can’t trust anyone? When you’re expected to perform to the standards of parents, teachers, coaches, police officers, and everyone else in the world seems to have a say in your life… but you? Seems as if your life is out of control, operating on automatic pilot, like a robot or a toy. What if that reality is not all that your reality can be? What if the person you are now… is not the person God intended you to be?

Joyless, angry, disconnected, purposeless, bored, depressed, abused, confused, suicidal…

On February 23, 2007 at 7:00 PM at Trexler Middle School in Allentown, PA… with the use of artistic expression Hip Hop, Step, Skits, Rap and more, we’re using what the world distorted to show you the possibilities in Christ. Reject your current programming and the programmer. Reclaim your voice! In order to do so you must be there for it: Total Recall… Takin’ it back!

For more information, check out our myspace page:
http://www.myspace.com/gen_y_totalrecall

~*~*~*~

On this day I encourage you to read and reflect on a speech delivered five months before I was born by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It is a celebration of a milestone in a battle, yet also a signal that the battle is not yet over. We’ve made some progress since then, but when the baton was passed on to our generation … what did we do with it?

Did we run till our feet got blistered or sore? Did we stand up for injustices in our homes, community, churches or jobs? Or did we pass the baton without even trying?

I’ve never been in the army but I have practiced marching for my “house: Melba” while at school in the West Indies. The same synchronicity and precision was needed and the “house” was as strong or as weak as its slowest, uncoordinated or day dreaming (yes me… LOL) member.

Instead of benching the slow, the uncoordinated or the day dreamer, under the guidance of the coach, the rest of the house encouraged and figured out a way to compensate for the lack of speed, coordination or concentration of that member until each was up to speed. This ensured that the weight of loss or victory of the “house” did not rest solely on the shoulders of the one member, but on the one who lead the house: the coach.

Our battle was waged against three other houses, one named Critchlow and two others, the names of which I can’t recall. Critchlow sticks in my mind, because they were the house to beat if Melba wanted to move into its rightful place as the #1 house on campus.

So we practiced, in public and in secret. Left, right, left, right, left, right, halt, one, two. We practiced turning our eyes (and heads) to the right on command. We were even so bold as to throw in a skip step. We practiced making our arms swing to shoulder height for every step we took, member by member practicing until there was total unison.

Now who knows that you don’t realize that you’re uncoordinated or how much skill it takes to walk and swing your arms in tandem, until someone tells you to slow it down or to do it in front of others?

Our Christian and civic duties are just like that. At times, we want to stand for what’s right, and that stand may take us out of our comfort zone so we delay it until “next time”. Or maybe, we might anonymously stand by convincing someone else to stand in our stead or writing an anonymous letter or maybe we just feel that one person cannot make a difference so we do nothing. Had Martin Luther King Jr. believed that fallacy, we would not now be living his dream.

Dr. King realized that there was need for practice, in public and in secret (prayer). He made sure that his skills were up to par by doing what was needed and then going the extra mile (education: high school, BA & PHD). He found a team (church) and they followed the instructions of their coach (God). As a result, spritual and civic change began to occur.

So now years later, on what would have been Dr. King’s seventy-seventh birthday. The question posed is: what have you or I done to effect a change for the next generation?

Change begins with you and me. Using Dr. King as an example, we need to catch hold of the vision that God has for our lives and then make our stand. When you and I are bold enough to take a stand, regardless of the discomfort, the feeling of being out on a ledge and the feeling of helplessness or maybe even hopelessness. I daresay that when we do venture out onto that ledge, we will meet others there, who ventured out as well and by joining hands, we will pull away from the edge … we’ll still be on the ledge, but we won’t be alone in the danger zone.

~*~*~*~

Our God Is Marching On!
March 25, 1965. Montgomery, Ala.

My dear and abiding friends, Ralph Abernathy, and to all of the distinguished Americans seated here on the rostrum, my friends and co-workers of the state of Alabama, and to all of the freedom-loving people who have assembled here this afternoon from all over our nation and from all over the world: Last Sunday, more than eight thousand of us started on a mighty walk from Selma, Alabama. We have walked through desolate valleys and across the trying hills. We have walked on meandering highways and rested our bodies on rocky byways. Some of our faces are burned from the outpourings of the sweltering sun. Some have literally slept in the mud. We have been drenched by the rains. [Audience:] (Speak) Our bodies are tired and our feet are somewhat sore.

continue reading…

I have listened to it on Youtube at least twelve times already and don’t intend to stop anytime soon. Why? It speaks to me.

I have gotten so tired that I wanted to give up. When due to choices of my own or outside influences my personal world got crazy, I would vacation at Hotel Denial until my survivor genes kicked in. I would and have fought skirmish after skirmish in my life time: abuse, rape, poverty, pornography, low self-esteem, bipolar disorder or manic depression, abandonment and the list could go on and on. Most folks would classify them as battles, however, I consider them just skirmishes. The biggest fight of my life… the one battle that I conquer… or so I think, then it comes back and keeps coming back, over and over is lack of faith.

What? Shocked? I do talk a good game, don’t I? However, I am so clear that God is all powerful and able to do abundantly above all that I wish, desire and need… yet I walk around in lack, ill health, mentally deficient when the Doctor of all doctors has already declared that by His stripes I am healed.

It is a proven fact that what we believe, truly believe… we act upon. So it stands to reason that some small part of me, some unsurrendered portion is poisoning the rest of me and I am allowing it to do so in that I remain half or three quarter surrendered. Well… as the song title says… I’m making a declaration. I’m tired of perpetuating the same cycles… this is it!

I’m standing up and fighting for the next level, I’m fighting my doubt, I’m fighting myself! I’m fighting that urge to constantly be in a struggle. Yes, there were times when I had to struggle, however, now there’s no need to struggle, I need to stop sabotaging myself and my blessings and be courageous enough to stand up and fight and move past the habitual struggle mode to the peace that passeth all understanding mode. So… there ya have it… this is it!

So again I ask, what is the fight of your life? What is the one battle that you conquer… or so you think, then it comes back and keeps coming back, over and over?

Declaration (This is it!) ~ Kirk Franklin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJUY_FM_q3Q

Check it out, ya’ll
(There’ve been times in my life)
I’m tired and I wanna give up
(I’ve been wondering why)
Why is the world gettin’ so crazy?
(Still, somehow I believe)
I’ve come too far to die now
(I always survive)
If you’re a survivor, get up!
Let’s get it!

Gonna cry now, go ahead and get it out of my system
I know I hurt now, but soon I gotta get back to livin’
Can’t be here next year, givin’ you these same tears
I hope you enjoyed it, ’cause it’s the last time you will take a piece of me

I start right now, I don’t know how I’m gonna get thru it
I know right now, I pray somehow ’cause I can’t do it
I can’t keep livin’ like this, there’s gotta be more than this
Jesus, I’m ready, I’m ready for what you have for me

Chorus
(Are you gonna wait for a sign?)
Are you ready for your miracle
God’s people it’s time to (stand up and fight)
Let’s get it, let’s get it (This is it!)
You can’t mess with my mind anymore (This is it!)
I’m smarter, see I’ve been here before (This is it!)
It’s time today, I’m not afraid anymore (This is it!)
Yes, I believe, if you believe, help me say (This is it!)

I’m a child of the King baby, look at somebody and tell ‘em’ (This is it!)

I look back now, I look at how you tried to break me
To take my life, my peace of mind and drive me crazy
My self esteem, my dreams, my destiny
So, God allowed it, because He knew He had big plans for me (Hallelujah!)

It’s your grace, I know today it’s how I made it (Thank You, Jesus)
When I thought that it was over’ (Lord, have mercy)

Chorus

Everybody that’s been holdin’ you down, look at ‘em and tell ‘em’This is it!
I feel my help coming on right now, ya’all’

You think that maybe it’s over’(You’re life ain’t over)
Not unless you want it to be

(Are you gonna wait for a sign?) your miracle
(stand up and fight)

Rap
This is it ya’ll, this is it ya’ll
You’ve been waitin’ and debating , here it is, ya’ll
All your stuff from your past, shake it off ya’ll
Though they said you wouldn’t last, but who is ya’ll?
Want your dreams back? Let’s get it!
Your peace of mind back? Let’s get it!
Want your family back? Let’s get it!
Are you ready? Let’s get it! (This is it!)
I speak against everything that comes to destroy the purpose in your life (This is it!)
Worrying about your finances, your future, when you can’t even sleep at night (This is it!)
I speak against depression and fear, every attack from the enemy (This is it!)
This is your day, the Lord made it baby! God has set you free! (This is it!)

You can’t mess with my mind anymore (This is it!)
I’m smarter, see I’ve been here before (This is it!)
It’s time today, I’m not afraid anymore (This is it!)
I wanna hear ya’ll sing this with your boy!
Every body say (This is it!)

You can’t mess with my mind anymore (This is it!)
I’m smarter, see I’ve been here before (This is it!)
It’s time today, I’m not afraid anymore(This is it!)
Yes, I believe, if you believe, help me say (This is it!)

I was just having a conversation, in which the other party mentioned that I look better than some 30’s. Cool with me. Who doesn’t want to hear flattering things on a Sunday morning (heck any day of the week) when their sinuses are standing up and claiming new land in the name of infection and all that. But specifically I took/take joy in the irony that is involved with having a relationship with God.

Here it is… I am in the worst shape of my life, physically, (yes, I can admit that… lol. That’s the first step to addressing a problem, or, so I’ve been told) yet everywhere I turn folk are telling me how good I look and really… although I disagree… it’s not an argument I want to win… really… LOL

‘Cause what I do understand is that although I take issues with the physical imperfections of my body, God still shines through me from the inside out and that is what is reflected for all to see. So … yeah. I’ll take it.

Anyway, what I was working towards, was that in my response of thanking the party for noticing that God has smiled on me… I was taken to a flashback of my fourteen year-old self… still fresh off the “banana boat” as they say… in Springfield Baptist Church in Washington, DC on a Sunday morning, marveling at the difference in worship music as the choir and congregation sang the chorus of a song by the late Rev. James Cleveland filled with…

words still unknown to me…
words that I grappled to learn…
that spoke …
to my head …
and which my heart…
did not yet understand:

God has smiled on me
He has set meee free-ee-ee
God has smiled on me
He’s been goo-oo-ood
To me!

At fourteen I could not yet grasp that truth… for my world was a miasma of new experiences, new thoughts and a constant struggle to combat homesickness, the onset of bipolar disorder, and learning the rules of a new land and a new way of schooling.

Again it was the embodiment of the saying, “be careful what you ask for, you just might get it.”

I had what I wanted.

I was once again reunited with my mother. We were living in the same country, state and apartment. However, she was no longer the same person my six year old mind recalled. Yearly visits at Christmas were really not long enough to discern a change in attitude… and heck what did a six, seven or eight year old know about that… it was all about.. “can I sit in your lap, I’m not that heavy,” “what’d you bring me?” “a whole American $20 bill… just for me?”

So there I was in the midst of living my heart’s greatest desire since age six…

conflicted
challenged
excited
lonely
depressed
curious
absorbed
musically intrigued
homesick
guilty
angry
disconnected
creative
solitary
suicidal

Music was my salvation. The curiosity of the new form of music (gospel) was enough to keep me around. I couldn’t wait for Saturday Youth Choir rehearsal. I of course, (along with all the other girls in that 13-17 group) had a crush on the Youth Minister of Music… he was fresh outta college and cute as heck. He also was quite gifted musically and many of our songs were his original creation. *sigh* Cute and gifted too? LOL

Being forced to sing the high soprano note (when I was a Soprano II with lazy Alto tendencies) was not so much a struggle anymore. The sopranos were on the first row… LOL.

Then came another fabulous experience, school choir. As my peers grumbled and groaned at the choices of songs and the fact that they only joined the choir to obtain an easy A, I secretly cut my eyes at them (the equivalent of the American eye-roll… but more evil looking.. lol) and kept my joy to myself. I basked in the joys of hearing harmony from nonsensical ditties to contemporary songs like The Long and Winding Road (song which won us first place in the regional championships) or Christian based songs like Dona Nobis Pacem (God give us Peace)… I ate it all up.

Finally, I decided I wanted to learn an instrument. All my other siblings had had piano lessons back home, but the piano never seemed to thrill me… I chose guitar lessons.

I got those guitar lessons and grudgingly practiced. I guess folk forget to mention all the hours of practice involved in getting good at that. So, uh… no virtuoso playing over here. However, gimmie a book with some chords and a few days practice and I can accompany myself without embarrassment.

This was the time of 8 tracks, records and 45’s. I would sit afterschool and listen to my favorite songs, over and over… picking a part and tracing it all throughout the song, replay it, pick another part and do the same thing, till I’d sung the Soprano, alto and tenor parts. I still do that today, however, that’s usually when I’m learning a song to teach to my youth choir.

So… yes. God smiled on me through my love of music. So wherever you are in your life right now, whatever your situation… please know that God is smiling on you right now. He is being good to you even though your circumstances prevent you from seeing it… but if you open up your mouth and begin speaking positively to your situation… He will elevate you to the point where your spiritual eyes will begin to see… the form or shape His smile takes in your life and you will begin to experience the goodness already prevalent. It can be done, however your participation is necessary.

You can start right now by repeating these words with me. (If I can find a link so that you can hear it, I’ll post it…) but right now, open up your mouth and begin to speak truth to your situation…

God has smiled on me
He has set meee free-ee-ee
God has smiled on me
He’s been goo-oo-ood

I say:

He’s been good

Everybody now:

He’s been good

Last time:

He’s been good
To me!

Amen!

Each year my answer varies, but adds up to “my family and the fact that I’m still here!” Why so short you ask? Because really, I’m all about keeping it as monosyllabic as possible in order to do my part to keep the clock down and the food warm; cause invariably, there will always be someone who starts back at the year they were born and brings it forward.

This year, prompted by a thread in one of my groups, I’m putting it out there early and taking the time to elaborate a bit.

~*~*~

I co-teach the Sr. High level at my church. Today’s Sunday School lesson was about the scenario when God whispers to Elijah… the last existing prophet at that time. He was having a serious pity party because Queen Jezebel had just promised his imminent death in retaliation for his killing her hundreds of Priests of Baal. Elijah ran away. He left his servant in Beersheba in Judah then a day later of walking landed him in the desert under a large bush for shade. There he begged the Lord, “I’ve had enough. Just let me die! I’m no better off than my ancestors.” Then he lay down in the shade and fell asleep. While he was asleep an angel woke him up and provided water and some baked bread. He ate and went back to sleep.

I was easily able to tap into his emotions, for I’d been where he was at age fourteen. Fed up with being different, fed up with colloquialisms I didn’t understand, fed up with being home alone, fed up that I couldn’t have friends over or use the phone while alone, fed up of being afraid of the dark, fed up of hating school, fed up of feeling out of sorts, fed up of the guilt for possessing/experiencing an emotion for which I didn’t yet have a name (depression).

I was already in my desert, (no friends to speak of and alone in an Apt in the USofA while the rest of my family resided in Trinidad) I didn’t make a declaration out loud but I was ready to lay down in the shade (my bed) and die (with the assistance of a bottle of bills).

I recall sitting on the floor, my back against the side of the bed with the bottle of pills in my hands… tears running down my face as I resolved to enact my “deliverance” Oh but wait… maybe a bit of TV first. I was a TV-a-holic at the time.

I turned on the TV and the channel must have been lifetime…

Fortuitous that the movie just beginning opened into the scene of a funeral?

Even more uncanny that the deceased was a teenager who’d committed suicide?

The movie then went on to chronicle the reactions of the parents. The blame, the shame, the anger, the helplessness, the hopelessness, the selfishness.

As I sat there and cried, I wasn’t aware of it then, but I am now… as God whispered to Elijah… that TV was my whisper, God showing me His presence … in my aloneness and moment of self-pity.

So when I say that I’m thankful that I’m still here… I mean it… literally.

I’m also grateful that I work with teenagers at my church and because of my experiences as a teenager… I’m sensitive to the small things and available “on their level” (their words) to listen, council, encourage, hang, hug and/or cry.

Sooo… since we’ve got time and no food is getting cold… yet. What are you thankful for?

As you may or may not know I also have my own publishing company.  I’ve been pretty quiet about it up till this point.  Why?  Because I’ve been doing my research and learning the business and deciding whether I wanted to publish the works of others or keep it strictly a family oriented enterprise.

Last fall via my Sunday Bible School class,  I had the fortune to meet a talented poet.  She’s been doing shows and writing since 1999.  I met with her and read some of her poetry and felt moved to help her make her dream come true.  So around Christmas time you will see the birth of Incremental Stages - Karen’s labor of love. 

I’ve also created a blog for her, so I’m sure she’d love it if you would stop by and read two of the sample poems provided and give her some love (feedback):  http://karenbaker.atwc1.com

Now here is a quick poem (and I use the term loosely) that gives you a birds eye view of what Divine Truth Press is about:

There’s a new kid on the block
with a voice that really rocks
she’s opening closets
and airing out laundry
Me oh my … now there’s the quandry:

Is that relief you feel?
or ever present shame.
because the thing she mentions
is calling out your name
Daring you to work past
the bubble of discomfort
the habitual reticence
that is your very essence.

But wait, she says
Please don’t you worry
That discomfort you feel
is only temporary
But the end result
will be oh so rewarding
So embrace disclosure
Battle with forgiveness
As you taste the ambrosia
the elixir of healing
dispensed from the vine
Divine Truth Press